Being a country that is almost completely surrounded by water, not to mention the closest thing we have to a natural disaster are major floods, you would think all Malaysians should be excellent swimmers. Well, as we, who especially frequent the swimming pools know, the truth is far more hilarious than the logical assumption. Here are 10 types of people you’ll find in swimming pools in Malaysia.
1. The Wet T-Shirts
Just to be clear, this ain’t those kind with hot girls on typical American spring breaks; in fact, they are usually the complete opposite. You know what I’m taking about – this is the type we see most often especially in Malaysia. Some of us are probably guilty of being in this category ourselves! The probable reasons to this could be due to insecurities with their body or just feeling shy from exposing too much skin.
Also, FYI normal clothes are not made for water activities. Those who think that a cotton singlet / T-shirt / long sleeves with shorts or track bottoms would hold up well in the water will only find that it makes the view of their unsightly underwear even clearer. Swimsuits are invented for a reason, people.
2. The Sunbathers
To be fair, these types tend not to be locals but tourists. They literally are the only ones who come to the swimming pool and then can come out completely dry, since it is not with water they are bathing themselves with…
Most of the times, these people are sort of an eye-candy ;).
3. The Jumpers
Now this type of swimming pool regulars are the ones you have to literally watch your head for because they would simply terjun ‘sini sana’ as if its their private pool. These hyperactive rascals are usually the most noisy ones in the pool as well. Do look out for their show of somersaulting stunts though which could sometimes be quite entertaining.
4. The Pro Swimmers
Now it might be advisable to keep out of this type of regular’s way, simply for the fact they are the ones who can actually swim full length laps, as if in training for the Olympics. They are usually spotted in proper and non-sexy swimming attire complete with goggles and, for some, swimming. They are also the quietest, like lethal sharks. Other regulars can probably term them with another name: The Pool Snobs. Its only the water and themselves in the pool; nothing else matters to them.
5. The Intermediate Swimmers
They are those who can swim but are not at their best yet or else they are just in for a relaxed or fun swim. They tend to be more casual in comparison to the Pros, not necessarily wearing goggles or caps and they can be more playful, like show seals. Most often they come in a bunch, usually teens, who is just there to ‘chill’.
6. The Determined Beginners
You can tell which are this type by spotting the ones who are swimming horizontally, kicking their legs furiously with their head in the water, still not knowing the right way to come up for air. They could be quite entertaining to watch and does give a good balance to the swimming pool ecosystem – whatever that means. One thing’s for sure, they are very earnest in their practice.
7. The Creepers
Just another plain ol’ pool creepers. They lurk quite frequently among us and prey on girls and guys alike; especially the more attractive ones. They take on the shape of humans, usually disguising as old farts who grin and smile at you or by themselves. Usually there just to have a sight of your smooth, bare skin, they’re blessed with excellent staring and sighting abilities including night-vision. Showering at the pool? Why don’t you take a look at your back…
8. The Kids
Usually cute and lovable, they can easily become the unlikely enemy once they jump into the big pool. More worse than the Jumpers, they have their horse-playing everywhere in the water and can sometimes just be standing there in the middle, not doing anything but nicely blocking the Pros’ and everyone else’s way. Not only that but they themselves can sometimes cross your path during swims which can get pretty annoying. Nevertheless, they’re always forgiven for being so adorable!
9. The Toy Hoarders
These can be a toss up of being pretty fun or being a hassle. They’ll come with all sorts of gizmos like floats in the shape of a giant dolphin, water guns, beach balls, action figures, bubble guns, fancy flippers, scuba gear short of an oxygen tank – all that jazz. Sounds like a likely party, yes, but certainly makes the already filled pool more crowded with all those obstacles.
10. The Toe Dippers
They are the ones who do come fully-clothed, but reasonably so as they go around the swimming pool, dipping only their shy little toes. The ‘brazen’ ones would go as far as wading in the baby pool up to their ankles. Maybe cause when they’re young, they’re brought to believe that there are sharks or ‘kokedai’ in the pools; but we all know thats not true. Right?!?
11. The Toilet Breakers
Ah, yes, the bad apples, the ones who truly ruin the swimming pool experience by ‘mistaking’ it as the public toilet. A special mention of these kind are also the very rare but actually existing ones who treat the pool like a bathtub – seriously with shampoo and everything!